I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
is it fun? or sober?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
