Grow some girl-balls and come out already
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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