Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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