I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
