So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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