sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
