ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
