yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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