Apparently you make a good broom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
