I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize