forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
