She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
