I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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