Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
