finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
