peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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