Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
