dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
