Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
