so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
