I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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