Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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