I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
