i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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