The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
