well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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