I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize