mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize