I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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