They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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