final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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