am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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