there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
