Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
