I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
a search helicopter?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
