She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
