Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
