): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
