oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
