i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
