i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
