I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
