I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
