He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
