So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
