i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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