i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
