Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
