Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
