the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
