my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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