i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
