omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
