Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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