If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
