remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
