i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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