I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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