I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
