i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
