Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
