And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
