I think I won the penis lottery.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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