I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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