Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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