I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
