Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
