haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
