i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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