i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is the high leading the old right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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