not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
