he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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